Serves One

Chuck Norris Food Jokes

Chuck Norris does not follow recipes. Recipes follow Chuck Norris. This collection is for the jokes about what he eats, how he cooks it and what happens to the hot sauce afterward.

Food jokes are some of the most accessible in the archive because everyone has a relationship with breakfast. Expect steak that cooks itself out of respect, coffee that needs Chuck to wake up, and cereal that stays crunchy in milk purely out of fear. They're ranked by community votes, so the best-loved ones float to the top.

If you're running out of dinner-party material, start here.

The Collection

147 jokes

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

Champions eat wheaties for breakfast. Chuck Norris eats champions for breakfast.

Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day opponents less laughably pathetic.

Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way.

An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME.

A man once taunted Chuck Norris with a bag of Lay's potato chips, saying "Betcha can't eat just one!" Chuck Norris proceeded to eat the chips, the bag, and the man in one deft move.

If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.

Chuck Norris' version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.

No statement can catch the ChuckNorrisException.

In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.

When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

They had to edit the first ending of 'Lone Wolf McQuade' after Chuck Norris kicked David Carradine's ass, then proceeded to barbecue and eat him.

70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his dick.

Chuck Norris bit the apple logo.

Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.

Submit a Chuck Norris Food Jokes entry

Every fact in this collection was submitted or curated by fans. Add yours and our moderators will file it here if it fits.

Chuck Norris Food Jokes

The Collection

Chuck Norris once bought Chicago pizza in Seattle.

Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.

Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. Chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.

Chuck Norris doesn't have disk latency because the hard drive knows to hurry the hell up.

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

Champions eat wheaties for breakfast. Chuck Norris eats champions for breakfast.

Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day opponents less laughably pathetic.

Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way.

An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME.

A man once taunted Chuck Norris with a bag of Lay's potato chips, saying "Betcha can't eat just one!" Chuck Norris proceeded to eat the chips, the bag, and the man in one deft move.

If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.

Chuck Norris' version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.

No statement can catch the ChuckNorrisException.

In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.

When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

They had to edit the first ending of 'Lone Wolf McQuade' after Chuck Norris kicked David Carradine's ass, then proceeded to barbecue and eat him.

70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his dick.

Chuck Norris bit the apple logo.

Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.

Chuck Norris can milk ground beef from a cow.

Chuck Norris can eat one pringle.

Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!

Submit a Chuck Norris Food Jokes entry

The Collection

Submit a Chuck Norris Food Jokes entry

One Chuck Fact.Every Morning.

One Chuck Fact.
Every Morning.