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Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day opponents less laughably pathetic.
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#488
Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Chuck Norris touches turns up dead.
#422
After taking a steroids test doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
#486
Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. Chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.
#143
While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
#720
When Chuck Norris crosses the road, the cars have to look both ways.
#396
There's an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris.... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.
#671
The wind is Chuck Norris breathing.
#79
Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
#537
If Chuck Norris writes code with bugs, the bugs fix themselves.
#210
Chuck Norris does not style his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
#270
Chuck Norris invented the internet, just so he had a place to store his porn.
#330
4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.
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