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Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
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#241
Chuck Norris' show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn't run.
#7
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
#336
Chuck Norris' testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy.
#137
Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
#543
Chuck Norris protocol design method has no status, requests or responses, only commands.
#227
'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.
#359
Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.
#363
Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
#154
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
#599
How many Chuck Norris' require to screw a light bulb? None, he will screw it all.
#86
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
#275
Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef.
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