Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions. 314 258 Copy WhatsApp Tweet Share Reddit Pin 55% approval (572 votes)
A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
Crime does not pay - unless you are an undertaker following Walker, Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol.
If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.
Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the lightbulb turns on.
Chuck Norris has never been accused of murder because his roundhouse kicks are recognized as "acts of God".
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.