Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions. 314 258 Copy WhatsApp Tweet Share Reddit Pin 55% approval (572 votes)
If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.
The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.
When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a hole. Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take shit from anybody.
Chuck Norris has never been accused of murder because his roundhouse kicks are recognized as "acts of God".