Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Chuck Norris touches turns up dead. 290 332 Copy WhatsApp Tweet Share Reddit Pin 47% approval (622 votes)
Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don?t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he's roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.
Chuck Norris won super bowls VII and VIII singlehandedly before unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in ass-kicking.
Chuck Norris once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash, instead of taking a shower.
The crossing lights in Chuck Norris' home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian.
A handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.
Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way.
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.