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Chuck Norris Science Jokes

The laws of physics are supposed to be the one thing nobody can argue with. Chuck Norris facts argue with them anyway, and win. In this collection, gravity is a suggestion, the speed of light is a personal best that Chuck happens to hold, and the Big Bang has a very simple explanation.

We've gathered the archive's science jokes here: physics, chemistry, astronomy, biology and evolution, ranked by community votes. They're a favorite with science teachers, lab groups and anyone who has ever had to memorize the periodic table. Several are sneakily educational, which we neither confirm nor deny.

Have a science joke that's missing? Submit it. Extra credit if it's technically accurate right up until the punchline.

The Collection

41 jokes

Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"

According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Chuck Norris created God by snapping his fingers.

Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick).

The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. They didn't even come close.

Scotty in Star Trek often says "Ye cannae change the laws of physics. This is untrue. Chuck Norris can change the laws of physics. With his fists.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light

Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.

Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element called Chucktanium.

If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.

It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.

Human cloning is outlawed because of Chuck Norris, because then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.

Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.

Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman.

Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.

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Every fact in this collection was submitted or curated by fans. Add yours and our moderators will file it here if it fits.

Chuck Norris Science Jokes

The Collection

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Chuck Norris can hear the speed of light.

We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has a vacation home on the sun.

Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"

According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Chuck Norris created God by snapping his fingers.

There's an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris.... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.

Chuck Norris can buy the Sunday paper on Tuesday.

Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.

Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick).

The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. They didn't even come close.

Scotty in Star Trek often says "Ye cannae change the laws of physics. This is untrue. Chuck Norris can change the laws of physics. With his fists.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light

Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.

Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element called Chucktanium.

If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.

It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.

Human cloning is outlawed because of Chuck Norris, because then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.

Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.

Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman.

Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.

Submit a Chuck Norris Science Jokes entry

The Collection

Submit a Chuck Norris Science Jokes entry

One Chuck Fact.Every Morning.

One Chuck Fact.
Every Morning.