Chuck Norris can buy the Sunday paper on Tuesday.

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More Chuck Norris facts

#703

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

#465

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in ravioli. He stuffs a live turtle with beef and smothers it in pig's blood.

#535

Chuck Norris doesn't needs try-catch, exceptions are too afraid to raise.

#217

Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.

#264

Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.

#79

Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.

#657

Chuck Norris was the reason E.T. went home.

#165

Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.

#211

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

#187

A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants.

#363

Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.

#410

Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the lightbulb turns on.