Chuck Norris can buy the Sunday paper on Tuesday.

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More Chuck Norris facts

#581

If you try to kill -9 Chuck Norris' programs, it backfires.

#485

Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time.

#719

Chuck Norris won the Tour de France with a stationary bicycle.

#323

Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions.

#335

The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.

#455

Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does.

#176

James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

#74

MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips. Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

#1

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always answers "Two seconds till". After you ask "Two seconds to what?", he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

#410

Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the lightbulb turns on.

#743

The moon's shadow doesn't dare follow Chuck Norris.

#134

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? All of it.