Chuck Norris can buy the Sunday paper on Tuesday.

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More Chuck Norris facts

#336

Chuck Norris' testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy.

#652

When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris.

#603

Chuck Norris could use anything in java.util.* to kill you, including the javadocs.

#229

When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.

#103

Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.

#410

Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the lightbulb turns on.

#408

Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face.

#244

Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.

#211

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

#734

When Chuck Norris turned 18, his parents moved out.

#663

Chuck Norris can find the 404 page.

#744

Chuck Norris once ran around the Earth so fast he was able to roundhouse kick himself in the ass.