Chuck Norris can buy the Sunday paper on Tuesday.

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More Chuck Norris facts

#239

If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.

#125

Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

#449

There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Chuck Norris.

#225

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

#312

Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the better player, Chuck Norris killed him with a baseball bat to the throat. Lou Gehrig got off easy.

#459

Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.

#387

Think of a hot woman. Chuck Norris did her.

#598

Chuck Norris doesn't need an account. He just logs in.

#671

The wind is Chuck Norris breathing.

#689

Chuck Norris once bought Chicago pizza in Seattle.

#616

Once Chuck Norris signed a cheque and the bank bounced.

#317

Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.