Chuck Norris can lock a safe and keep the key inside it. 233 420 Copy WhatsApp Tweet Share Reddit Pin 36% approval (653 votes)
Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body.
Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon. They are, in fact, Chuck Norris fecal matter. This was proven a recently, when scientific analysis revealed what appeared to be Jean-Claude Van Damme bone fragments inside the Hope Diamond.
Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan.
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.
In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.