Chuck Norris wipes his ass with chain mail and sandpaper.

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More Chuck Norris facts

#345

Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean.

#432

Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.

#188

Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.

#135

Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

#70

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light

#452

One time, at band camp, Chuck Norris ate a percussionist.

#657

Chuck Norris was the reason E.T. went home.

#621

Chuck Norris tears can cure the cancer, but the sad thing is Chuck Norris never cries.

#80

Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

#266

How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb? None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.

#207

Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.

#686

Chuck Norris can look at you in a tone of voice.