Chuck Norris wipes his ass with chain mail and sandpaper.

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More Chuck Norris facts

#333

Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.

#203

The crossing lights in Chuck Norris' home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian.

#636

Chuck Norris made the sun by rubbing his hands together.

#413

If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.

#223

Chuck Norris won super bowls VII and VIII singlehandedly before unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in ass-kicking.

#599

How many Chuck Norris' require to screw a light bulb? None, he will screw it all.

#65

Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.

#381

Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.

#594

Chuck Norris can read from an input stream.

#160

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

#349

The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris.

#243

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.