Chuck Norris wipes his ass with chain mail and sandpaper.

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More Chuck Norris facts

#1

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always answers "Two seconds till". After you ask "Two seconds to what?", he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

#415

Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.

#4

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger. By yelling "Bang!"

#558

Chuck Norris once won a game of connect four in 3 moves.

#587

Chuck Norris can speak Braille.

#724

Chuck Norris can play Xbox 360 with a PS3 controller.

#180

It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

#616

Once Chuck Norris signed a cheque and the bank bounced.

#293

Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.

#249

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

#411

When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.

#73

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.