Chuck Norris wipes his ass with chain mail and sandpaper.

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More Chuck Norris facts

#42

Chuck Norris has never been accused of murder because his roundhouse kicks are recognized as "acts of God".

#119

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

#458

The pen is mightier than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris.

#697

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

#295

The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.

#606

Chuck Norris does not need a watch, he decides what time it is.

#416

A movie scene depicting Chuck Norris losing a fight with Bruce Lee was the product of history's most expensive visual effect. When adjusted for inflation, the effect cost more than the Gross National Product of Paraguay.

#646

Chuck Norris can hear sign language.

#273

Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder.

#590

China lets Chuck Norris search for porn on Google.

#317

Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.

#463

Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.