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Chuck Norris can hear the speed of light.
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#182
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
#65
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
#370
When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
#710
When Chuck Norris works out he doesn't get stronger, the machine does.
#699
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
#459
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
#104
A handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
#373
Every time someone uses the word "intense", Chuck Norris always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
#45
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
#319
The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch.
#305
Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.
#111
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
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