When Chuck Norris was born, he immediately had sex with the first nurse he saw. He was her first. She was his third. That afternoon. 306 302 Copy WhatsApp Tweet Share Reddit Pin 50% approval (608 votes)
A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
The movie "Delta Force" was extremely hard to make because Chuck had to downplay his abilities. The first few cuts were completely unbelievable.
In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.
The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris.