There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris.

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More Chuck Norris facts

#584

Product Owners never ask Chuck Norris for more features. They ask for mercy.

#111

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

#550

Chuck Norris can compile syntax errors.

#282

Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

#13

If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.

#413

If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.

#629

Chuck Norris can stand on his head. His dick-head.

#394

Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he's roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.

#281

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

#388

A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.

#683

Miss Daisy drove Chuck Norris.

#418

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take shit from anybody.