#558 Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
#562 When Chuck Norris break the build, you can't fix it, because there is not a single line of code left.
#563 When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.
#567 Every time someone uses the word "intense", Chuck Norris always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
#570 CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.