CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.

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More Chuck Norris facts

#365

Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.

#495

Chuck Norris' first program was kill -9.

#61

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

#432

Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.

#401

Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot -- and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets.

#461

The air around Chuck Norris is always a balmy 78 degrees.

#452

One time, at band camp, Chuck Norris ate a percussionist.

#159

Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.

#470

Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.

#359

Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.

#197

Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.

#89

Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"