CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.

272 340

More Chuck Norris facts

#415

Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.

#83

Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.

#443

Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.

#498

MySpace actually isn't your space, it's Chuck's (he just lets you use it).

#591

Chuck Norris can install a 64 bit OS on 32 bit machines.

#295

The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.

#61

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

#564

No one has ever pair-programmed with Chuck Norris and lived to tell about it.

#185

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

#95

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

#414

Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.

#480

In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.