The Internet's Chuck Norris Archive

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Fact of the Day

October 20, 2026

MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.

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Today's Fact Battle

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Chuck Norris can divide by zero. VS When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary.

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The Rankings

682 Facts

436

Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.

437

Chuck Norris doesn't need sudo, he just types "Chuck Norris" before his commands.

438

Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ.

439

Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder.

440

Chuck Norris already went to Moon and Mars, that's why there are no signs of life.

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441

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

442

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life.

443

As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

444

It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.

445

Chuck Norris can install iTunes without installing Quicktime.

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446

Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body.

447

Chuck Norris finished the neverending story.

448

When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.

449

Chuck Norris can instantiate an abstract class.

450

With Chuck Norris P = NP. There's no nondeterminism with Chuck Norris decisions.

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