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Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ.
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#195
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
#109
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
#374
As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.
#397
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
#469
Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.
#428
Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon. They are, in fact, Chuck Norris fecal matter. This was proven a recently, when scientific analysis revealed what appeared to be Jean-Claude Van Damme bone fragments inside the Hope Diamond.
#203
The crossing lights in Chuck Norris' home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian.
#646
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
#671
The wind is Chuck Norris breathing.
#270
Chuck Norris invented the internet, just so he had a place to store his porn.
#648
Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
#599
How many Chuck Norris' require to screw a light bulb? None, he will screw it all.
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