Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ. 295 321 Copy WhatsApp Tweet Share Reddit Pin 48% approval (616 votes)
Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a hole. Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.
That's not Chuck Norris doing push-ups -- that's Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.
After returning from World War 2 unscrathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history.
Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.
After taking a steroids test doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always answers "Two seconds till". After you ask "Two seconds to what?", he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way.