Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

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More Chuck Norris facts

#192

Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.

#179

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

#31

Chuck Norris' sperm is so badass, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion.

#205

Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.

#91

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle - you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

#483

Chuck Norris describes human beings as "a sociable holder for blood and guts".

#145

When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.

#654

Chuck Norris can dry his hair under water.

#436

Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.

#439

After returning from World War 2 unscrathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history.

#541

Chuck Norris' programs never exit, they terminate.

#565

No one has ever spoken during review of Chuck Norris' code and lived to tell about it.