Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

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More Chuck Norris facts

#45

Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.

#443

Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.

#472

Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb. On his penis.

#650

Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

#215

Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.

#295

The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.

#569

Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through land.

#618

Once death had a near Chuck Norris experience.

#104

A handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

#302

Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a hole. Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.

#514

Chuck Norris can overflow your stack just by looking at it.

#221

As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.