The pen is mightier than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris.

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More Chuck Norris facts

#31

Chuck Norris' sperm is so badass, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion.

#145

When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.

#366

If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.

#743

The moon's shadow doesn't dare follow Chuck Norris.

#41

Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.

#335

The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.

#369

Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, "But Chuck Norris isn't black", then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.

#370

When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.

#622

Chuck Norris can remember the future.

#333

Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.

#518

Chuck Norris can access private methods.

#432

Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.