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Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.
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#723
Chuck Norris can buy the Sunday paper on Tuesday.
#605
Only Chuck Norris shuts down websites without due process, not SOPA or PIPA.
#486
Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. Chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.
#630
There was never anything wrong with Achilles' heel until he got mad and decided to kick Chuck Norris.
#746
Chuck Norris remembers the future.
#15
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life.
#430
The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher.
#442
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
#428
Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon. They are, in fact, Chuck Norris fecal matter. This was proven a recently, when scientific analysis revealed what appeared to be Jean-Claude Van Damme bone fragments inside the Hope Diamond.
#677
Chuck Norris doesn't listen to heavy metal, he eats it for breakfast.
#185
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
#669
Everyone has a guardian angel except Chuck... he guards himself.
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