The Internet's Chuck Norris Archive

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Zero weaknesses.

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Fact of the Day

October 20, 2026

MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.

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Today's Fact Battle

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Chuck Norris can divide by zero. VS When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary.

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682 Facts

31

Chuck Norris irons his trousers with them still on.

32

In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease"

33

4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.

34

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

35

The French talk to Chuck Norris in English.

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36

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

37

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

38

Once Chuck Norris and Superman had a competition. The loser had to wear his underwear over his pants.

39

The pen is mightier than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris.

40

Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, "But Chuck Norris isn't black", then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.

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41

Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.

42

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

43

Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice, and without answering a single question... just a nod of the head, and a stroke of the beard.

44

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

45

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

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