When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.

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More Chuck Norris facts

#319

The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch.

#83

Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.

#423

Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.

#30

Chuck Norris' version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.

#169

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

#239

If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.

#171

Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.

#564

No one has ever pair-programmed with Chuck Norris and lived to tell about it.

#340

If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?

#354

Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with obstruction of justice. This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time.

#716

Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.

#286

Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.