Chuck Norris' bones break sticks and stones. 309 283 Copy WhatsApp Tweet Share Reddit Pin 52% approval (592 votes)
While investigating a series of reported sonic booms in the area around Chuck Norris' home, authorities determined Chuck was just testing chili recipes.
Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe.
Chuck Norris' sperm is so badass, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion.
Chuck Norris' testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy.
Chuck Norris' version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.
The crossing lights in Chuck Norris' home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian.