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When Chuck Norris claps his hands thunder stays quiet.
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#79
Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
#516
Chuck Norris doesn't need sudo, he just types "Chuck Norris" before his commands.
#89
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
#471
Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ.
#572
Chuck Norris is the ultimate mutex, all threads fear him.
#15
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life.
#31
Chuck Norris' sperm is so badass, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion.
#139
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
#105
Chuck Norris doesn't wash his clothes. He disembowels them.
#481
Chuck Norris wipes his ass with chain mail and sandpaper.
#399
In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.
#232
In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
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