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#707
Some people can piss their name in to snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name in to concrete.
#239
If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.
#463
Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
#479
Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.
#349
The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris.
#482
When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.
#413
If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
#355
Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.
#587
Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
#15
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life.
#222
Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
#491
Chuck Norris doesn't have disk latency because the hard drive knows to hurry the hell up.
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