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President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.
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#41
Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.
#675
Chuck Norris can bake in a Freezer.
#591
Chuck Norris can install a 64 bit OS on 32 bit machines.
#436
Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.
#95
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
#269
Crime does not pay - unless you are an undertaker following Walker, Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol.
#657
Chuck Norris was the reason E.T. went home.
#221
As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
#229
When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.
#492
Chuck Norris writes code that optimizes itself.
#569
Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through land.
#444
When Chuck Norris makes a burrito, its main ingredient is real toes.
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