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Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.
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#114
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe with eleven herbs and spices. Nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
#256
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
#525
Chuck Norris' Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him.
#538
Chuck Norris hosting is 101% uptime guaranteed.
#377
There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.
#671
The wind is Chuck Norris breathing.
#464
According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Chuck Norris created God by snapping his fingers.
#490
All arrays Chuck Norris declares are of infinite size, because Chuck Norris knows no bounds.
#402
For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
#28
When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'.
#77
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
#493
Chuck Norris can't test for equality because he has no equal.
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