Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting. 380 289 Copy WhatsApp Tweet Share Reddit Pin 57% approval (669 votes)
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.
Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography.
Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
Chuck Norris doesn't need garbage collection because he doesn't call .Dispose(), he calls .DropKick().
Chuck Norris has never been accused of murder because his roundhouse kicks are recognized as "acts of God".
When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.