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When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
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#258
It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.
#503
Project managers never ask Chuck Norris for estimations... ever.
#347
Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death with it. Game, set, match.
#373
Every time someone uses the word "intense", Chuck Norris always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
#321
Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
#724
Chuck Norris can play Xbox 360 with a PS3 controller.
#160
Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
#331
Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes.
#245
The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings.
#205
Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
#772
Condoms wear Chuck Norris for protection.
#501
The only pattern Chuck Norris knows is God Object.
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