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Chuck Norris understands every definition in the Oxford Thesaurus, except one - "mercy".
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#7
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
#96
Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
#657
Chuck Norris was the reason E.T. went home.
#609
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
#588
Chuck Norris can over-write a locked variable.
#271
Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
#355
Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.
#30
Chuck Norris' version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.
#77
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
#398
Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe.
#525
Chuck Norris' Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him.
#463
Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
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