When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul. 343 330 Copy WhatsApp Tweet Share Reddit Pin 51% approval (673 votes)
The only sure things are Death and Taxes and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice, and without answering a single question... just a nod of the head, and a stroke of the beard.
Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego.