Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it. 305 304 Copy WhatsApp Tweet Share Reddit Pin 50% approval (609 votes)
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.
Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the lightbulb turns on.
Chuck Norris won super bowls VII and VIII singlehandedly before unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in ass-kicking.