Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

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More Chuck Norris facts

#572

Chuck Norris is the ultimate mutex, all threads fear him.

#295

The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.

#199

Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.

#221

As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

#341

70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his dick.

#65

Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.

#83

Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.

#457

Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.

#604

Code runs faster when Chuck Norris watches it.

#281

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

#621

Chuck Norris tears can cure the cancer, but the sad thing is Chuck Norris never cries.

#413

If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.