Chuck Norris doesn't turn on his faucet, he stares at it until it cries.

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More Chuck Norris facts

#330

4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.

#629

Chuck Norris can stand on his head. His dick-head.

#705

Chuck Norris can read a book in his sleep.

#194

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.

#99

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse kick you in the face.

#316

Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

#10

When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.

#706

When Chuck Norris turned 18, his parents moved out.

#460

Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger. It is actually a list of fatalities that occurred during the making of the episode.

#163

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

#180

It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

#359

Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.