Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

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More Chuck Norris facts

#152

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

#158

In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

#377

There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.

#41

Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.

#53

Chuck Norris' database has only one table, 'Kick', which he DROPs frequently.

#211

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

#565

No one has ever spoken during review of Chuck Norris' code and lived to tell about it.

#229

When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.

#367

In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Chuck Norris". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked inthe face by Chuck Norris.

#348

Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.

#184

Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.

#159

Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.