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If Chuck Norris were a vegetable he'd be a Chuck Norris.
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#74
MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips. Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
#283
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
#402
For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
#502
Chuck Norris finished World of Warcraft.
#159
Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
#93
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
#525
Chuck Norris' Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him.
#259
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
#708
Chuck Norris died years ago, but the grim reaper can’t pick up the courage to tell him.
#312
Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the better player, Chuck Norris killed him with a baseball bat to the throat. Lou Gehrig got off easy.
#8
Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
#188
Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
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