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Chuck Norris drove his mom home from the hospital after she gave birth to him.
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#256
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
#472
Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb. On his penis.
#737
When Chuck Norris went to college, he told his father "You're the man of the house now".
#87
The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
#274
Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.
#110
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
#293
Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
#425
There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
#483
Chuck Norris describes human beings as "a sociable holder for blood and guts".
#249
Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
#586
Chuck Norris killed two stones with one bird.
#397
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
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