Chuck Norris drove his mom home from the hospital after she gave birth to him.

308 357

More Chuck Norris facts

#492

Chuck Norris writes code that optimizes itself.

#332

The only sure things are Death and Taxes and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.

#600

Chuck Norris causes the Windows Blue Screen of Death.

#252

Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.

#105

Chuck Norris doesn't wash his clothes. He disembowels them.

#251

Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day opponents less laughably pathetic.

#421

Chuck Norris' sperm can be seen with the naked eye. Each one is the size of a quarter.

#427

Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris.

#249

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

#90

In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

#258

It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.

#393

When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary.