Chuck Norris won super bowls VII and VIII singlehandedly before unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in ass-kicking.

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More Chuck Norris facts

#617

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

#428

Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon. They are, in fact, Chuck Norris fecal matter. This was proven a recently, when scientific analysis revealed what appeared to be Jean-Claude Van Damme bone fragments inside the Hope Diamond.

#115

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

#259

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

#83

Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.

#396

There's an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris.... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.

#335

The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.

#340

If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?

#90

In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

#243

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.

#325

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.

#346

MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.