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Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.
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#448
They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them.
#15
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life.
#747
When Chuck Norris crosses the road, cars look both ways.
#45
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
#427
Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris.
#181
Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
#145
When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
#442
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
#666
Chuck Norris' bones break sticks and stones.
#356
When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.
#280
One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
#714
When Chuck Norris enters into a courtroom, the judge stands up.
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