Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

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More Chuck Norris facts

#89

Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"

#338

There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris.

#470

Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.

#494

Chuck Norris doesn't need garbage collection because he doesn't call .Dispose(), he calls .DropKick().

#84

Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

#133

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.

#110

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

#347

Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death with it. Game, set, match.

#77

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

#716

Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.

#388

A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.

#377

There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.