The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch.

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More Chuck Norris facts

#340

If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?

#294

Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.

#712

Mike Tyson chipped a tooth on Chuck Norris' ear.

#623

Chuck Norris doesn't age, because time cannot keep up with him.

#428

Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon. They are, in fact, Chuck Norris fecal matter. This was proven a recently, when scientific analysis revealed what appeared to be Jean-Claude Van Damme bone fragments inside the Hope Diamond.

#684

Chuck Norris can see ultra-violet light.

#564

No one has ever pair-programmed with Chuck Norris and lived to tell about it.

#627

Chuck Norris once pissed in a gas tank of a semi truck as a joke - that truck is now know as Optimus Prime.

#53

Chuck Norris' database has only one table, 'Kick', which he DROPs frequently.

#481

Chuck Norris wipes his ass with chain mail and sandpaper.

#651

Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.

#216

Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back.