The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch.

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More Chuck Norris facts

#311

Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off.

#229

When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.

#710

When Chuck Norris works out he doesn't get stronger, the machine does.

#667

The French talk to Chuck Norris in English.

#427

Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris.

#187

A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants.

#341

70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his dick.

#600

Chuck Norris causes the Windows Blue Screen of Death.

#618

Once death had a near Chuck Norris experience.

#374

As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.

#321

Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.

#376

Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising Rookie".