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Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
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#283
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
#120
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
#244
Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.
#8
Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
#89
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
#331
Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes.
#446
In the movie "The Matrix", Chuck Norris is the Matrix. If you pay close attention in the green "falling code" scenes, you can make out the faint texture of his beard.
#213
It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin.
#479
Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.
#359
Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.
#599
How many Chuck Norris' require to screw a light bulb? None, he will screw it all.
#277
Brokeback Mountain is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
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