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Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets.
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#475
In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
#339
Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
#555
Chuck Norris compresses his files by doing a flying round house kick to the hard drive.
#368
The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.
#541
Chuck Norris' programs never exit, they terminate.
#228
Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.
#525
Chuck Norris' Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him.
#38
The pie scene in "American Pie" is based on a dare Chuck Norris took when he was younger. However, in Chuck Norris' case, the "pie" was the molten crater of an active volcano.
#448
They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them.
#229
When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.
#238
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
#619
Once Chuck Norris and Superman had a competition. The loser had to wear his underwear over his pants.
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