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Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets.
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#451
When Chuck Norris was born, he immediately had sex with the first nurse he saw. He was her first. She was his third. That afternoon.
#608
Once a police officer caught Chuck Norris, the cop was lucky enough to escape with a warning.
#350
Chuck Norris doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.
#315
The phrase 'balls to the wall' was originally conceived to describe Chuck Norris entering any building smaller than an aircraft hangar.
#8
Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
#217
Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
#483
Chuck Norris describes human beings as "a sociable holder for blood and guts".
#560
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
#115
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
#634
Tornados occur when Chuck Norris sneezes.
#229
When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.
#214
Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.
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