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Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
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#287
Human cloning is outlawed because of Chuck Norris, because then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
#144
When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
#186
Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order.
#547
Chuck Norris can install iTunes without installing Quicktime.
#412
Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.
#90
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
#249
Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
#115
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
#416
A movie scene depicting Chuck Norris losing a fight with Bruce Lee was the product of history's most expensive visual effect. When adjusted for inflation, the effect cost more than the Gross National Product of Paraguay.
#62
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
#462
When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
#524
Chuck Norris is actually the front man for Apple. He let's Steve Jobs run the show when he's on a mission. Chuck Norris is always on a mission.
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