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Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
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#120
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
#387
Think of a hot woman. Chuck Norris did her.
#273
Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder.
#54
Chuck Norris' programs can pass the Turing Test by staring at the interrogator.
#320
The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
#312
Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the better player, Chuck Norris killed him with a baseball bat to the throat. Lou Gehrig got off easy.
#333
Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.
#658
Chuck Norris can eat one pringle.
#529
Chuck Norris can write multi-threaded applications with a single thread.
#203
The crossing lights in Chuck Norris' home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian.
#481
Chuck Norris wipes his ass with chain mail and sandpaper.
#269
Crime does not pay - unless you are an undertaker following Walker, Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol.
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