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Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls.
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#89
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
#719
Chuck Norris won the Tour de France with a stationary bicycle.
#494
Chuck Norris doesn't need garbage collection because he doesn't call .Dispose(), he calls .DropKick().
#180
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
#638
Chuck Norris puts sunglasses on to protect the sun from his eyes.
#236
In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.
#381
Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.
#90
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
#687
Chuck Norris can break water in half.
#184
Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.
#318
He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.
#159
Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
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