Chuck Norris does not need a watch, he decides what time it is.

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More Chuck Norris facts

#437

Divide Chuck Norris by zero and you will in fact get one........one bad-ass that is.

#104

A handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

#339

Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

#134

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? All of it.

#203

The crossing lights in Chuck Norris' home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian.

#344

Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.

#334

With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.

#277

Brokeback Mountain is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.

#518

Chuck Norris can access private methods.

#380

What many people dont know is Chuck Norris is the founder of planned parenthood. Not even unborn children can escape his wrath.

#740

Chuck Norris once took LSD just to give his hallucinations a bad trip.

#116

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.