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Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
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#9
Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this a slow Tuesday.
#323
Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions.
#625
Chuck Norris understands every definition in the Oxford Thesaurus, except one - "mercy".
#495
Chuck Norris' first program was kill -9.
#668
Chuck Norris once thought he was wrong. He was, however, mistaken.
#726
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
#492
Chuck Norris writes code that optimizes itself.
#720
When Chuck Norris crosses the road, the cars have to look both ways.
#81
There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
#575
Each hair in Chuck Norris' beard contributes to make the world's largest DDOS.
#422
After taking a steroids test doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
#66
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
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