One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

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More Chuck Norris facts

#323

Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions.

#451

When Chuck Norris was born, he immediately had sex with the first nurse he saw. He was her first. She was his third. That afternoon.

#676

Chuck Norris has size ten feet but wears size three shoes.

#216

Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back.

#613

Chuck Norris can make onions cry.

#686

Chuck Norris can look at you in a tone of voice.

#279

Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body.

#423

Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.

#655

Chuck Norris once beat a wall at tennis.

#548

Chuck Norris doesn't need an OS.

#525

Chuck Norris' Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him.

#181

Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.