Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends. 309 313 Copy WhatsApp Tweet Share Reddit Pin 50% approval (622 votes)
When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life.
They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.