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Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris' ass. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face.
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#440
Chuck Norris runs on batteries. Specifically, Die Hards.
#163
Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
#457
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
#545
Chuck Norris can spawn threads that complete before they are started.
#1
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always answers "Two seconds till". After you ask "Two seconds to what?", he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
#33
Coroners refer to dead people as "ABC's". Already Been Chucked.
#451
When Chuck Norris was born, he immediately had sex with the first nurse he saw. He was her first. She was his third. That afternoon.
#180
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
#74
MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips. Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
#555
Chuck Norris compresses his files by doing a flying round house kick to the hard drive.
#45
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
#502
Chuck Norris finished World of Warcraft.
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