Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order.

315 330

More Chuck Norris facts

#418

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take shit from anybody.

#226

Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.

#428

Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon. They are, in fact, Chuck Norris fecal matter. This was proven a recently, when scientific analysis revealed what appeared to be Jean-Claude Van Damme bone fragments inside the Hope Diamond.

#144

When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.

#390

Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets.

#68

Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

#538

Chuck Norris hosting is 101% uptime guaranteed.

#532

There is no Esc key on Chuck Norris' keyboard, because no one escapes Chuck Norris.

#452

One time, at band camp, Chuck Norris ate a percussionist.

#408

Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face.

#301

Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman.

#674

Chuck Norris did it his way and Sinatra sang about it.