In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

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More Chuck Norris facts

#1

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always answers "Two seconds till". After you ask "Two seconds to what?", he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

#440

Chuck Norris runs on batteries. Specifically, Die Hards.

#481

Chuck Norris wipes his ass with chain mail and sandpaper.

#279

Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body.

#564

No one has ever pair-programmed with Chuck Norris and lived to tell about it.

#550

Chuck Norris can compile syntax errors.

#355

Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.

#678

The Dead Sea was once alive before Chuck Norris bathed there.

#114

Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe with eleven herbs and spices. Nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.

#238

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

#83

Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.

#318

He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.