If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always answers "Two seconds till". After you ask "Two seconds to what?", he roundhouse kicks you in the face. 383 310 Copy WhatsApp Tweet Share Reddit Pin 55% approval (693 votes)
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.
Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he's roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.
President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.
Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.
In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.